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The entire membership of the Freetown Golf Club has been horrified and shocked by the recent news of the 'indiscretions' of top golfer TIGER WOODS.
TIGER WOODS used to be a hero to all our members. It has now been revealed that our Idol has Feet of Clay - and he has dishonoured and besmirched our noble sport by his adulterous antics.
Let me hasten to say, on behalf of all members, that we entirely condemn such irresponsible behaviour. All members of our club are outstanding and morally upright individuals who would, under no conditions, condone such disloyalty to a legal spouse.
TIGER WOODS has sullied our sport, which may lead some skeptics and the usual Pull-Him-Down elements to conclude that golfers, as a whole, belong to the same category of adulterers and philanderers as TIGER.
Because of the risk of such irreverent/elements polluting our esteemed club, I hereby ORDER that the following comments are STRICTLY barred from being uttered anywhere in the vicinity of our club… Those who utter such CARESS TALK will be escorted from the club house immediately.
TEN CARELESS COMMENTS NOT WELCOME AT FREETOWN GOLF CLUB
1. Only 10 girl friends? I thought he excelled on an 18 - hold course?
2. No wonder he didn't win a major in 2009 - he was distracted!
3. Any careless remarks regarding Linda Mans…
4. Or loosely asking what's 'par for the course'?
5. A golf swing is like sex - you can't think of the mechanics or the act while you are doing it…
6. 'Obviously TIGER WOODS had no idea that you cannot play the ball when it is 'Out of Bounds'.
7. No jokes about getting 'caught in the Rough'
8. Or about a 'hooker' (for golfers) being someone who doesn't keep her wrists straight when she hits the ball…
9. Any call of 'Fore!' not made on the green/golf course.
10. Or jokes concerning the 'putting area'.
These and other careless remarks will result in the immediate EJECTMENT of any such joker. You have been warned.
Signed
INNOCENTI SANPHA |
Professor Peep! 
